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Hi everyone!! I need some support tonight, I'm so sad. I received a call from my mom tonight and it turned into just an angry fight over the Witnesses.

My mom is a die hard witness and an elders wife. She called just to get my address to send my kids a gift and then we chatted about family and what everyone is up to these days. It all went bad when I asked about their retirement. She said she didn't know what to do because they will never be able to retire ever, but she said that everything is so bad now that she probably won't have to worry about it. I told her that it is really too bad she didn't plan for retirement like grampa and grama did and that it's really too bad for most of the witnesses her age that didn't plan.

Somehow it turned into how that the society shouldn't be trying to micromanage peoples lives by writing so much garbage that isn't even in the bible. I asked her if she was aware of the new booklet Torte of misrepresentation on Blood and that it shows the society has not been honest with the witnesses. She was not willing to read it so I asked her if she could give me a scripture that showed which fraction were allowed and she couldn't. She said the bible said NO BLOOD. So I kept asking her to tell me which scripture shows which fractions are allowed. She started to laugh at me and change it to "you've been reading those apostate sites". So again I asked why she won't answer the question. Then she gave me the regular JW answer. I told her that if it isn't in the bible then God didn't say it and then that would mean they are following men. Apparently she only follows God. If the bible says no blood then why does the Society make up their own rules. I reminded her that at one time people couldn't have any fraction (she denied it) and what about all those people that died because they refused needed fractions. Still she denies.

We carried on to the Disassociation/Disfellowshipping policies. She claims that Disassociations are not treated like the Disfellowshipped. So I asked her why when I run into a witness they either go another direction or they snub me. She didn't really have a decent answer. Then I proceeded to ask her why I have no family. She claims I do. I asked her why I wasn't invited to my brothers wedding? I wasn't wanted there because I Disassociated. Why in 3 years I don't have one brother or sister out of the 5 I lived with that call or visit. The answer is because of their conscience. So I ask what is the difference in how a Disassociated person is treated as apposed to a Disfellowshipped person. APPARENTLY...... I have just been gone from the organisation too long and don't have accurate knowledge of how the organisation is run. So I ask her if she recalls raising me from a baby until 19 yrs old as a witness. APPARENTLY she didn't raise me well enough and was an incompetent mother. So I say "You mean you didn't raise me to not question the organisation enough". Her answer was "I sure would have liked to". Then I told her that was what "indoctrination" is.

Of course now this is where I really brought in not following men, but following God. She continually said that she does what God wants. So I then told her that I am too, but I don't have to do it as a Witness. I got her up to speed on my endeavors to help out my community and that I am doing it even though I am a woman and I am able to help men, women and children and I am able to do it with my own gifts as opposed to doing door to door preaching. The work I do empowers people to help themselves and then will be able to help their community and will better our human race which benefits ALL humanity. She claims that is what she is doing. Is there a better more effective way in reaching the world with your message mom? Well yes, but we are doing it the way Jesus wants it. Are you aware that at that time there was no such thing as the Internet or TV? They are still doing it Gods way!! She proceeded to inform me that it is important to serve Jehovah the WAY he wants us to serve him. With that I said, you mean 5 meetings a week, Saturday field service, family bible study night and meeting preparation. Can you show me a scripture that shows that is what God wanted from us. I told her God gave each of us gifts to use---mine was not preaching door to door and that Jesus only had 2 requirements for us and that was to Love our neighbour as ourselves and to love God with our whole heart mind and soul. So are you understanding why I am telling you, you are following men. The bible never said you have to do all these things. NOW she is following Jesus....going door to door. I asked her about the Oh so many rules that are almost equivalent to the scribes and Pharisees and asked her to explain what the difference is. She kinda sorta agreed, but then decided she was doing it God's way. I reminded her that the SOCIETY IS NOT GOD!!!! We did a quick comparison of the Catholic Hierarchy and the Witnesses and the confession similarities except the Catholics at least forgive you. She did seem to see that at least.

There is much, much more to this, but it is absolutely mind numbing nonsense coming from my mother. I had to continue to remind her that the WTBS IS NOT GOD. She would continually say "The Society says........ so I listen to God". I had to continue to remind her of what the Society teaches that causes families to be torn apart. Usually she would try to make a rule sound like it was straight from God and then "any organisation has rules and if people don't abide by them they are kicked out" I would ask her what rule I broke and she would say NONE. Then I would remind her that YET I HAVE NO FAMILY. My brother is having his first baby YET I WILL NEVER MEET IT. YET My children will never have them as cousins.

My mom also said I yelled at her and was so abusive to her "like never before" just prior to writing my DA letter 3yrs ago. If anyone wants to know that whole incident, it is here somewhere.----My step-dad jumped out of my moving vehicle and went rolling down the street and then my little 3yr old asked me why I threw papa out the door. I told her I was sorry for yelling at her, but then asked her if she can understand what it was like growing up like that as a little child. What does she expect!!!!! She has turned herself into a victim that she had total control over and then thinks her children should feel sorry for her. WE HAD NO CHOICE!!!!

In the end we both agreed we will never agree as far as religion goes, but I said that I have to make a choice concerning this family because I am hurting so badly. Because I will never return to being a Witness I know that I will always be treated like this. I need to move on, but it really hurts. I feel like a little girl just wishing someone loved me. Don't misunderstand, I have my little girls thankfully and my husband and his family. I know I have fared well compared to so many others, but I'm sure it all hurts the same. I just wish I could wake up and know its all a nightmare. It truly is a living nightmare and every day is a reminder that this cult will make you pay for standing up for TRUTH.

One more thing, I asked my mom to please really think about how much in shambles our family is in. Is this really worth it to throw her children away for a religion run by mere men who make up so many rules that God never wrote. Her reply "I will follow Jehovah". My reply "The Society is not GOD".

Thanks to any who read. I take comfort in reading all your experiences too.