home > interesting topics > random musings > teach your children

Teaching Your Children when in a Divided Jehovah's Witness Family

How do you train your children if you are a parent in a divided family, and the other parent is trying to indoctrinate your children as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses? You may be concerned they are being taken to meetings and taught false information, even being trained to view you as bad association because you do not believe in Watchtower beliefs and way of worshipping Jehovah.

Often it is not possible to prevent children going to meetings, as both parents have a say in how a child is raised and what they are taught to believe. Being critical of the religion or the other parent is likely to backfire, as it paints you as a bad and negative person.

The key factors to consider are:

  • Teaching your children critical thinking skills
  • Building a social circle for them
  • Showing unconditional love

Critical Thinking

It is key to teach your children critical thinking skills, so they learn how to evaluate information and not be easily misled by propaganda and false information, whether it is presented in a Watchtower, the media, or on social media.

Edward De Bono's Teach Your Children How to Think contains excellent advice on how to raise children with critical thinking skills. In it he has a Six Thinking Hats method of thinking about a problem from different angles. This can start at infancy and be developed upon as the child gets older.

When thinking about an important topic, time should be spent evaluating each of the following areas.

  • White Hat (Facts and Information) Focuses on data, facts, and what is known or needs to be known.
  • Red Hat (Feelings and Intuition) Expresses emotions, gut feelings, and instincts without needing justification.
  • Black Hat (Caution and Risks) Looks for problems, risks, and why something might not work.
  • Yellow Hat (Benefits and Positives) Explores advantages, value, and why something could work well.
  • Green Hat (Creativity and Ideas) Encourages new ideas, alternatives, and creative solutions.
  • Blue Hat (Control and Process) Manages the thinking process—sets goals, decides which hat to use, and summarises outcomes. This is the process of choosing which hat should be used, when, and for how long

Watchtower’s method of "study" demands the opposite of each of these thinking skills. The Governing Body control the thinking process, and the information they provide is to be believed without question, without cross checking the sources, and even when it seems illogical. It may seem unfair to paint the Governing Body as that blatantly controlling but is supported by the following quotes.

White Hat

Focus on facts.

Governing Body - Accept Watchtower information on face value; do not worry about looking for facts beyond what is provided.

"For those who wish to do extra Bible study and research, we recommend that they explore Insight on the Scriptures,…” Question Box from the Kingdom Ministry Sep 2007 (US Edition)
"In Jehovah's organization it is not necessary to spend a lot of time and energy in research, for there are brothers in the organization who are assigned to that very thing…" Watchtower 1967 Jun 1 p.338

Red Hat

Acknowledge your Feelings and Intuition.

Governing Body - Ignore your intuition if it disagrees with Watchtower information.

"As the end of this system of things draws near, we need to trust in Jehovah’s way of doing things as never before. Why? During the great tribulation, we may receive instructions that seem strange, impractical, or illogical." Watchtower Feb 2022 p.6
"All of us must be ready to obey any instructions we may receive, whether these appear sound from a strategic or human standpoint or not." Watchtower 2013 Nov 15 p.20

Black Hat

Exercise caution and evaluate the risks.

Governing Body – Do not question the information, regardless of any risks.

"Thus, the one who doubts to the point of becoming an apostate sets himself up as a judge. He thinks he knows better than his fellow Christians, better also than the 'faithful and discreet slave,' through whom he has learned the best part, if not all that he knows about Jehovah God and his purposes." Watchtower 1980 Aug 1 p.19
"We also remember that one feature of 'the wisdom from above' is being 'ready to obey.'… Due to background and upbringing, some may be more given to independent thinking and self-will than others. Perhaps this is an area where we need to discipline ourselves and 'make our mind over' so that we can perceive more clearly what the 'will of God' is." Watchtower 1987 Feb 1 p.19

Yellow Hat

Explore the Benefits and Positives of why the information could work well.

Governing Body - Jehovah’s Witnesses are allowed to considering the benefits of accepting Watchtower information, and Watchtower does present a lot of information. For instance, when it writes against smoking, it is worth considering the benefit to your health of that guidance. However, considering the benefits of practices disallowed by the Governing Body is discouraged. For instance, the life-saving benefits of a blood transfusion are not to be considered when faced with a medical emergency.

Green Hat

Encourages new ideas, alternatives, and creative solutions.

Governing Body – Ideas are to be suppressed in favour of conformity.

"First, since "oneness" is to be observed, a mature Christian must be in unity and full harmony with fellow believers as far as faith and knowledge are concerned. He does not advocate or insist on personal opinions or harbor private ideas when it comes to Bible understanding. Rather, he has complete confidence in the truth as it is revealed by Jehovah God through his Son, Jesus Christ, and "the faithful and discreet slave." By regularly taking in the spiritual food provided "at the proper time"-through Christian publications, meetings, assemblies, and conventions-we can be sure that we maintain "oneness" with fellow Christians in faith and knowledge.” Watchtower 2001 Aug 1 p.14

Keep De Bono’s six hats in mind when speaking with your children. Encourage them to:

  • Check the facts, figures and source of quotes
  • Ask for their feelings and intuition
  • Examine other viewpoints

The Governing Body actively work against Jehovah's Witnesses learning and using critical thinking skills. That is why those of us raised in the religion found it difficult to accept our doubts and leave. If you teach your children this skill, they will have a far better chance of evaluating information they are exposed to.

Applying the six hats to Watchtower teachings - such as the sovereignty issue, a global flood, the generation teaching, voting, shunning, or taking blood - quickly destroys the Watchtower as a source of truth.

As your children get older, they can also be made aware of rhetorical fallacies, the way information is presented to misdirect people. This is discussed in detail at Rhetorical Fallacies in the Watchtower.

Social Circle

It is important to supplement your children with what Jehovah’s Witnesses provide; that is, a social circle. Take your children to events like the movies and try to include friends they have as neighbours or at school. Enrol them in extracurricular activities, such as sport or music, so they can engage in exciting activities, make a group of friends and form their own social circle.

Unconditional Love

Most importantly, ensure your children of your love for them, regardless of what they believe. Be the parent that they can come to when they have concerns to discuss, knowing you will listen and support them, instead of judge and criticise them.

Being raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I always knew my parents’ love was highly conditional on whether I believed as they did and remained in their religion. This is hollow love, and not the type of love a child deserves from their parents. If you remain calm, loving and supportive, you will be loved and looked up to for guidance. They will know you will be there for them when their Jehovah’s Witness parent choses the religion over them.

With a combination of critical thinking skills, the knowledge that they can be part of enjoyable social groups, and a supportive parent, they will grow to be strong independent adults and are unlikely to fall for Watchtower’s coercive teachings.

Written Jan 2026.

creative commons copyright    Paul Grundy  2005 - 2026